friday!
wonder why am i so bored. i stil have so much to pack. yet, im so bored.
shit thing. i duno why. i just feel very empty when im home. its like.. i feel cooped up. i still have so much to do la. but no time. i come home everyday at like.. 7? then i can only use the com for 10 mins? when my sis is batheing.. cz.. i watch alot of tv. hahahah. oh wells. its suppose to be holidays! but no holiday! oh wells. i wonder how im gonna survive drill for 3 weeks man.. sigh. caro is not definitely going everyday.sigh. dunno la. im so contradicting myself.
ANIME! i suddenly became a fan man. so nice. woots. i finish one series by one series. so.. im slower than others? hahahhaa. sigh. im so sorry!! man. i dunno. its so confusing. i realise, whenever im busy, i put aside all the feelings and just do. i was just packing, and i forgot everything, and for that 2 hours, i packed and packed. i was having bad stomach ache. my mind is so full of things. but i packed. and thought of nothing. wow. man. i feel so.. yea. yesterday, i was sitting infront of the com, trying to send some stupid things. i was having back ache, and cramps, and then have trying to send some stupid things that cannot be sent. the file is absolutely too big for the gmail to send. gmail cannot send how can the other emails send? sigh man.. no brains.
alrights. i should go and do wad i should be doing.
everybody who is depressed or sad, or just deprived, or disappointed in one way or another, dont worry k? you're not alone. im serious. im also suffering the same thing. if not, i understand cause i probably went through all that before. just do your best, trust and He will do the rest k? i guess its really up to yourself to pull yourself up. comeon. lets go!
if you're feeling disppointed, it means you know you can do better than that. and so, strive for it! try again next year. if you're just waiting, that means you still have that small hope that the wait will soon be over. persevere! and hold on to that small hope. even if you mean to let it go, try to hold that last thread of hope. one day, the wait will be over. being deprived means you know you have it, just that you're too lazy or has no ability to grab on to "it". stretch out your hand! and grab what you're deprived of.

oh man.. wassup man. WASSUP!!! is it jz me?? am i the one changing or are they? wad's their problem! omg. jz cause i told them: "Gb meeting on monday is compulsory" they freaking dun let me go for Gb. the world dont revolve around you guys you noe. they're not the only priority. they're not the only responsibility. if you want me to have time management properly, you have to let me try it rite? sigh. they are so getting on my nerves. i cant hold it in anymore. cannot. cannot. i was like a little kid throwing tantrums today la. shit thing. i find no place to channel everything! they are freaking annoying! now, because of my great grades, they happy happy then dun let me go Gb. i tell you, once the holidays ends, stacey tan better ask us back at 730 in the morning, or else, either i'll only turn up by lunch time, or i dun turn up at all. my dear boss, good luck with dealing with my parents.
sigh. i think its me. im getting to hate the attitudes of my family. really. sigh. dunno la.

sigh. i think im damn smart. smart. i jz got dragged into some stupid stuff.
sigh. oh wells. he is in it, and there's a whole lot of hours to be spent alone.. or maybe with afew other ppl doing a presentation. he happy happy drag ppl in one.. sigh. oh wells. he is crazy la. ok.no more about his guy.
life is ok.. still disappointed with my results. but hey, i cant do anything about it anymore rite? as long as i improved, even bby like.. 5% i guess its not bad rite
? sigh. oh wells.
i learnt something new today! : some ppl can be really high when the screws areall loose.
haahha. oh wells. staffroom RA was fun! yea! cassie comments that mr ong put too much glitter on his hair -.- hahahha. oh wells. the teachers were great. hahaha. and the song! DO YOUR _____ HANG LOW DO THEY WOBBLE TO AND FRO!! HAHAHHAHAHA. crazy. oh wells.
nothing else to blog about. hahha. okaes. bye!

staffroom RA was fun! ahhaa. i was so high during the whole concert la..
so fun. before that, i was freaking out with my clothes cz i brought the
wrong blouse and it ended up too big. then ppl forced me to wear only
the spagetti stripe and the the skirt. obscene! hahaha.
anyways. thanks guys, for the encouragement. seeing all the teachers
like i never have nor would ever see. oh man.. ppl want pics?
look for me. anyways, those who missed the show, too bad for you! =)
it was so fun!cheered for all the teachers until sore throat. hahaa.
alot of the teachers did stuff all so unimaginable. so fun! wow. that day
was like.. happiest day of my life man.. ahhahah. i guess?? lol.. i had so
many favourite stuff happening that day. first, i went for the
ettiquette class, and had.. ooo.. my fav mango cake! yea! thats the best
man... i was so full.. and still finished the cake. soooo nice!!
i noe where to buy my cake for my bday liao! whee. then later, we went late for Gb, and i needed to pee so much. hahaha. anyways. we sang a song. one of my favourites i havent sang for ages. and i love that song. make me feel so loved. hahaha. then after that, we got split up into contingents. guess wad. im in stacey's contingent. with caro, joy, and kat. these are the secondarys la.. then dunno where the sec 1s go.. nv see any sec1s in my grp.
then.. during the concert, ms tsien and mrs chan played one of my fav songs. wow. so many favourites!4! in one day!
hahaha. that day was jz so full of fun and laughter man.. literally. hahaha. oh wells. lets see. yesterday was the 20th of oct. ok. mark that day on my calendar. =)=)=)=)

shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit
sigh. my results are horrible la. so pissed and disappointed. its how sad la. my marks are like.. ldszgv;ifdugdd. see. i dun even see a word to describe it. all the papers are horrible. dun even have an A1 la. shitass.. sigh. my percentage is so freaking lowlowlow.. i wanted to rant all about it, again and again, but i see ppl even more disappointed then me.. shitshithsit. and ppl can get so freaking high. so high! like wad. 5 As? sigh. damn pissed la. all the Bs.. abd the Cs.. sckldagzidgvd.. i feel like using the F word. sigh. but cannot. sdlvh'aphgvfdoihvfdV"HFDNBG
its like.. everyday, i jz see my results, and then i feel so disappointed. i worked
hard. perhaps i even did my best for some of the subjects. i really really i want to do well. i mean like. who doesnt la.. sigh..
i keep trying and wanting to comfort myself.. sigh. im really so tirred. but physically and psycologically. help.. im so.. exhausted. exhausted...

everybody's so down. everybody is either sian-ed or bored, or down, or sick, or jz trying to to look happy and cheerful infront of everyone. i cant stand the type of eyes i look at everyone. i cant stand trying to look happy. i cant stand it. oh shit. im getting down again. lift me up! i think im suffering from serious moodswings. high then low again. i think i got prob. i guess im jz being aware of how high or low i am? and whenever i realise im low, i push myself high again.
hey guys, cheer up. whether your problems are at home or school, at church, or anywhere, cheer up. like charis said, life is full of ups and downs. close your eyes, hold you breathe, and pray. Always trust in Him. He will be there for you. whether or not you are smart, or pretty, He loves you for who you are. He loves you because you are his daughter or son. sometimes i really loathe myself for being unable to help you. all of you. i call myself a friend of yours, but yet, i cant help you guys when you're down. i feel really useless. i really want to extend this hand to you. but this hand cant do anything. i hope the words that come out of my mouth, can help you guys to overcome this time of hardhip. hey guys. dun worry so much yea? He all guide and walk with you. or even carry you. through this time of hardship. names, i shall not point out. but the ppl around me, cheer up. everyone has problems here and there. sometimes they come until you cant carry them, lift this loads to Him. smile!

"a cheerful look brings joy to the heart, and good news to the bones" smile!

allow me to glladly declare it out loud : exams are over!!
yayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyay

ahhaha. so fun! yesterday went vivo city. and today is marking day. tmr also. woosh. i spent the whole morning infront of the com. and did alot of stupid things yesterda. im gonna go shopping llater AGAIN! shopping relieves me of all stress. whee!! hahaha.
i need to let everthing out. bleh! i need to destress. i need chocolate! its nice. and i found out how awful instant noodles can be. blehx.. hahaha. oh wells. i dun care la. its in my tummy already. i cant do anything but to digest it then release it later. hahahha x)

tmr. i shall idle around and go for face spa!! hahahahha. face spa!! haha. so fun! and then go shopping again. wow. i keep going shopping. soon, every shopping mall in s'pore will bore me. hahaha. oh wells. i dun mind!!

im getting so annoyed. with all your stupid lies and whatnot. so ANNOYING!! sigh. excuses. excuses. which am i suppose to believe?? go away.
"dont apologise when you dont have the heart to, son"

im so proud of myself ok.. i fixed it! yayy! my gtalk is working! after it died with no apparent reason. hahah. oh wells. now it works. X)X)X)
haha. maths is tomorrow. and during the weekend, i practically did nothing for maths. suddenly, i've lost all hopes in getting an A1 for maths. i nv dreamed of getting an A1. never in my secondary school life. at most, an occasional A2. but i got A1 for CA4! 75.6! second in class! the first is none other than our dear grace lee. hahha. so happy la. i miss the mooncakes already. i wana eat somemmore. ok i think thats random. but i want..... hahaha. its nice. and washing toilet is nice too. with your friends of course. someone have to agree with me. washing toilets ARE fun! at least to my batch in church. how can anyone not like to wash toilet! hahahhaa. oh wells. i guess u guys think im nuts. hahhaa. but it is! X)
oh wells.
i realised that other schools do much more work than us. for lit, the work they do for half the year is already more than wad we did for the whole year! they have so much notes ok. and we have wad. so little! and the teachers printed it for them la! teacher from RG. how unfair is that? hmph.
haha.
today, in church, some stupid guy almost slammed the door in my face. [that guy]. and it took another "gentlemen" to open the door wide for me. THAT stupid guy acted as if he didnt know me and that " gentlemen" smiled at me so nicely. omg.. i think im pretty slow. i come home and think about it, then start getting pissed off.
sometimes during sunday school, we have to read the passage aloud for all to hear. and apparently, i was reading the same passage at the same time as him. we were from diff class, and we still read at the same time. i read until halfway, then i realised. after i finished reading, i look up and everybody started laughing! oh man.. so embarrassing.. this jz echoes the rumoour about e and him. oh man................ i dunno whether to laugh or be pissed man.... but i chose to laugh. X) hahaha. oh wells.
oh!
you know, they say if it surpasses psi 400, school will be closed! whee!! indonesia, keep burning! hmm.. but wait. its kinda impossible for it to rise so high before the exams end rite? it only ends on wed. ahah. oh wells. then you better stop burning soon. cz school close also no use. X)

OH MAN... nv thought that there'd be this day in s'pore that the haze is as bad as psi 150! oh man... i was watching tv.. at first i was some 138 , then after 1 hour, it was 150! wow. is rose so fast! i can feel it, smell its "aroma". and everything! oh man! sigh.. im tearing. and it stinks. feels so stuffy cz the airs not moving. sigh.. maths is boring. lit too. and my brother's a bother. sigh. so mah fan. couldnt even watch tv in peace. haha. oh wells. he's cute.but anoying. small, but causes lots of trouble. sigh. I NEED TO SNEEZE! but cannot! oh man..... sigh. i hate the haze. stupid indonesia. stupid forest. stupid palm plantations. sigh. hahah. oh wells.

i had a total of 11 hours of sleep today!! wow. but im still v tired. i think im gonna fall sick soon. like very soon. im hoping to fall sick tmr. then i dunhave to be sick during exams or after exams

true bravery "when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what"

1 more importanat paper, and the rest is just crap!! i dun plan to study for anything after maths la.
i think like.. after the previous exam then start studying.
haha
today mid autumn festival. enjoy the moon, mooncakes, tea, and the haze... diao.. it was so bad la.. at least at my place, i couldnt see the block of condo across the road! hahaha. yep. and i was tearing. hahhaa. yep.
haha.
i realise that i have really cute neighbors. as in baby cute. ahahah. they v cute!! hahaha. i need to go high, i need to go shopping, i need to spend $$, i need i need. SEE!! EXAMS DEPRIVE ME OF EVERYTHING!